My Little Rose

Don't cry
My little rose
I'd do all that I can do
Not to give you a cause
To cry or weep
I wish your happiness
Would simply be complete
Don't weep
Let me just reap
Laughter and smiles
All over your face
Let me erase
All that can cause you to cry
To wonder why
Or to make you in sadness forsake,
Your lullaby

DV.5.Sabrina and her mommy by Kania Puspitahati(drawn in tags) featuring vintage style jewelry

Sabrina Meets Her Match by tattered*rose featuring a rhinestone necklace

Domestic Violence; It's EVERYBODY'S Business!

October is a busy month, every woman knows this month is Breast cancer self awareness month and everyone is busy promoting the pink ribbon campaign, but do you now there is also another ribbon campaign which is called purple ribbon to promote Domestic violence Awareness month which happens every october too.

Presidential Proclamation--National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

DV.2.Working Together to end the violence by Kania Puspitahati featuring a leather shoulder bag

Domestic violence should not happen to anybody. Ever.But It does.

What is Abuse? - A Warning List
Many people who are being abused do not see themselves as victims. Also, abusers do not see themselves as being abusive. People often think of domestic violence as physical violence, such as hitting. However, domestic violence takes other forms, such as psychological, emotional, or sexual abuse.

Domestic violence is about one person in a relationship using a pattern of behaviors to control the other person. It can happen to people who are married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated, or dating.

If your partner repeatedly uses one or more of the following to control you;

• pushing, hitting, slapping, choking, kicking, or biting
• threatening you, your children, other family members or pets
• threatening suicide to get you to do something
• using or threatening to use a weapon against you
• keeping or taking your paycheck
• puts you down or makes you feel bad
• forcing you to have sex or to do sexual acts you do not want or like
• keeping you from seeing your friends, family or from going to work

YOU HAVE BEEN ABUSED!!

Remember threatened or actual physical violence may be illegal. Consider calling the police for help

Who Are The Victims?

ANYONE CAN BE A VICTIM! Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused and/or neglected. Most children in these homes know about the violence. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavior problems.

DV.1.Love is all she needs by Kania Puspitahati featuring gladiator sandals

Since abuse can happen to anyone, people can have special concerns. All resources listed in this book understand your special concerns. They will listen to you and treat you with respect.

If you are a person of color ...

You may be afraid of prejudice. You may be afraid of being blamed for going out of your community for help.

If you are a lesbian, gay, or transgendered person ...

You may be afraid of having people know about your sexual orientation.

If you are physically or mentally challenged or elderly ...

You may depend on your abuser to care for you. You may not have other people to help you.

If you are a male victim of abuse ...

You may be ashamed and scared that no one will believe you.

If you are from another country ...

You may be afraid of being deported.

If your religion makes it hard to get help ...

You may feel like you have to stay and not break up the family.

If you are a teen ...

You could be a victim of abuse, or at risk if you are dating someone who:

• is very jealous and/or spies on you
• will not let you break off the relationship
• hurts you in any way, is violent, or brags about hurting other people
• puts you down or makes you feel bad
• forces you to have sex or makes you afraid to say no to sex
• abuses drugs or alcohol; pressures you to use drugs or alcohol
• has a history of bad relationships and blames it on others

It is hard for teens to leave their abuser if they go to the same school. They cannot hide. Gay and lesbian teens are very isolated. They can be scared they may have to reveal their sexual orientation.

domestic violence awareness by Determined Reputation featuring a hobbs dress

If you think you are being abused, think about getting help. If your family or friends warn you about the person you are dating, think about getting help. Tell friends, family members or anybody you can trust. Call a resource listed in this book. There is help for you. You do not have to suffer in silence.

If you are a child in a violent home ...

Most children in these homes know about the violence. Parents may think children do not know about the violence, but most of the time they do. Children often know what happened. They can feel helpless, scared and upset. They may also feel like the violence is their fault.

Violence in the home is dangerous for children. Children live with scary noises, yelling and hitting. They are afraid for their parents and themselves. Children feel bad that they cannot stop the abuse. If they try to stop the fight, they can be hurt. They can also be hurt by things that are thrown or weapons that are used. Children are harmed just by seeing and hearing the violence.

Children in violent homes may not get the care they need. A parent who is being abused may be in too much pain to take good care of their child.

Children who live in violent homes can have many problems. They can have trouble sleeping. They can have trouble in school and getting along with others. They often feel sad and scared all the time. They may grow up feeling bad about themselves. These problems do not go away on their own. They can be there even as the child gets older.

There is help for children in violent homes. Call a resource listed in this book to talk to someone. This can also help if you grew up in a violent home.

If you are being stalked ...

Stalking is repeated harassment that makes you feel scared or upset. A stalker can be someone you know or a stranger. They often bother people by giving them attention they do not want. This can be unwanted phone calls or gifts, or following people by going to where they work or live. It can also be threats to you or your family.

People may think stalking is not dangerous because no one has been physically hurt. Stalking is serious. It is against the law. It often turns to physical violence.

There is help. Find out how to get a Personal Protection Order (PPO). You can also tell the police. You can make a case by keeping track of what the stalker does by:

• telling the police every time the stalker makes contact with you
• keeping a book with you at all times so that you can write down the stalkers contacts
• saving phone messages from the stalker
• saving letters and gifts from the stalker
• writing down information about the stalker, like the way they look, kind of car they drive and license plate number
  

STALKING IS A CRIME.

Cycle of Violence

Who Are The Abusers?

Abusers are not easy to spot. There is no 'typical' abuser. In public, they may appear friendly and loving to their partner and family. They often only abuse behind closed doors. They also try to hide the abuse by causing injuries that can be hidden and do not need a doctor.

Abuse is not an accident. It does not happen because someone was stressed-out, drinking, or using drugs. Abuse is an intentional act that one person uses in a relationship to control the other. Abusers have learned to abuse so that they can get what they want. The abuse may be physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological.

Abusers often have low self-esteem. They do not take responsibility for their actions. They may even blame the victim for causing the violence. In most cases, men abuse female victims. It is important to remember that women can also be abusers and men can be victims.

Cycle of Violence

Incident

• Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)

Tension Building

• Abuser starts to get angry
• Abuse may begin
• There is a breakdown of communication
• Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
• Tension becomes too much
• Victim feels like they are 'walking on egg shells'

Making-Up

• Abuser may apologize for abuse
• Abuser may promise it will never happen again
• Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
• Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims

Calm

• Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
• Physical abuse may not be taking place
• Promises made during 'making-up' may be met
• Victim may hope that the abuse is over
• Abuser may give gifts to victim

The cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete.

It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the 'making-up' and 'calm' stages disappear. 


Adapted from the original concept of:  Walker, Lenore. The Battered Woman. New York: Harper and Row, 1979.

What Can I Do To Be Safe?

Call the policeIf you feel you are in danger from your abuser at any time, you can call 911 or your local police. HAVEN may be able to provide you with a cell phone that is programmed to only call 911. These phones are for when you need to call the police and cannot get to any other phone.
Consider the following:

• If you are in danger when the police come, they can protect you.
• They can help you and your children leave your home safely.
• They can arrest your abuser when they have enough proof that you have been abused.
• They can arrest your abuser if a personal protection order (PPO) has been violated.
• When the police come, tell them everything the abuser did that made you call.
• If you have been hit, tell the police where. Tell them how many times it happened. Show them any marks left on your body. Marks may take time to show up. If you see a mark after the police leave, call the police to take pictures of the marks. They may be used in court.
• If your abuser has broken any property, show the police.
• The police can give you information on domestic violence programs and shelters.
• The police must make a report saying what happened to you. Police reports can be used in court if your abuser is charged with a crime.
• Get the officers' names, badge numbers, and the report number in case you need a copy of the report.
• A police report can be used to help you get a PPO.

Get support from friends and family

Tell your supportive family, friends and co-workers what has happened.

Find a safe place

It is not fair. You should not have to leave your home because of what your abuser has done. But sometimes it is the only way you will be safe. There are shelters that can help you move to a different city or state. HAVEN can put you in touch with them.

Get medical help

If you have been hurt, go to the hospital or your doctor. Domestic violence advocates (people to help you) may be called to the hospital. They are there to give you support. You may ask medical staff to call one for you.

Medical records can be important in court cases. They can also help you get a PPO. Give all the information about your injuries and who hurt you that you feel safe to give.

Special medical concerns

• Sometimes you may not even know you are hurt.
• What seems like a small injury could be a big one.
• If you are pregnant and you were hit in your stomach, tell the doctor. Many abusers hurt unborn children.
• Domestic violence victims can be in danger of closed head injuries. This is because their abusers often hit them in the head. If any of these things happen after a hit to the head, get medical care right away.

Memory loss
Dizziness
Problems with eyesight
Throwing-up
Headache that will not go away
Get a personal protection order

See Personal Protection Orders

Make a safety plan

Plan what to do before or when you feel unsafe. See Personalized Safety Plan.

Letter from a battered woman

Words That Are As Strong As A Fist by socool09Behind in faves featuring an asymmetrical dress

Please do not judge domestic violence victims. They may have to pay with their lives.

 

Dear court personnel, police personnel, domestic violence advocates, judges, attorneys, friends and family:

Please do not judge me. Please do not ask me why I stay. Please do not say that you will never let a man do this to you. You just do not understand my world and me. You do not understand how difficult my life is and you do not understand that I am looking to you for support and help.

Please try to understand my life is in constant turmoil. My life is not my own and I did not choose this life. (Even though you might think that I have created this abuse.) I choose to love someone who believes that he is entitled by society, family or heritage to treat me this way. He also believes that he will never be accountable for his actions or behavior. I am looking to you for help and support.

Here is my life. Daily, I am faced with mood swings and contempt. In fact, I most of the time, I am not even sure what “crime” I committed to deserve this abuse. So, every day, I walk on eggs hoping and praying that I will do everything in my life right and answer correctly if asked a question and respond immediately when I get a request. Yet, in this man’s mind, I am ALWAYS wrong and that is his reason for abusing me. If only I paid the bills right (I never got a late notice) or kept the house clean (Everyone comments they do not know how my house is so spotless), then he would not have to react this way. If only I did not behave like a child, then he would not have to punish me. I am looking to you for help and support.

Let’s talk about when things get tough. When the violence begins to escalate here is what I am faced with. I am the ruination of my teenage daughter because I did not agree with HIS child-rearing position. (She is 17 with a 3.9 index and applying to Ivy League schools.) I am “reaping what I sow” because my 2 year old son is throwing a temper tantrum. I cannot drive HIS car because I only know how to trash things. (I have been in one car accident as a result of weather conditions).   His version of comprise is doing it his way and agreeing with him 100% and never asking him for anything because he has given me such a wonderful life. I am looking to you for help and support.

I can tell you that this man is a pillar of the community. He is educated and well liked and the judge and court personnel probably think that I am abusing the system. I can tell you that I am not. I am also an educated professional. (I could be your neighbor, your child’s friend’s mother or your co-worker) I am trying to be safe and stay alive. I am staying with him with a broken spirit, low self-esteem and no confidence because I want my children to have a mother. I am looking to you for help and support.

So I am asking you to be compassionate and open minded when I come file a complaint or ask the judge for a restraining order. If I withdraw the complaint, it is under duress and constant pressure. I really do not want to face him in the courtroom because I will have to pay for it later.  I may have to pay with my life. I am looking to you for help and support.

Sincerely,

A battered woman

Don't go blindly,Self-examination saves lifes

Breast has a mixture of feelings for women: • In puberty we embrace their appearance with wonder and great emotion. • In our younger years they are a symbol of sensuality and a ‘weapon’ to attract attention. • As we become mothers, breast transforms into an important part our bodies to connect with our children; they ‘rise’ to a ‘new level’. At some point in life, we take breast for granted.Celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness Month during October or all year around, by learning about your risks, responsibilities, and raising breast cancer awareness. Breast Cancer Awareness Month (BCAM) is a great time to educate and empower yourself for the best breast health. Every October, pink ribbons appear all around – from cans of soup in the grocery store to stylish bracelets and lapel pins. But how does all that pink relate to breast health and breast cancer? The pink ribbons remind of our risks, responsibilities, and raising breast cancer awareness.

Don't go blindly,Self-examination saves lifes by Kania Puspitahati/tag break featuring a shawl cardigan

Bra, bra why do you look so empty? by ivan syd featuring nylon bras

LEARN ABOUT YOUR RISKS :
Anyone with breast tissue – men and women – is at risk for developing breast cancer. But only one percent of men and one in eight women will develop breast cancer. Knowing your risks – and what you can do to reduce your risks – is a great way to raise your personal breast cancer awareness.
When you're told that you have breast cancer, it's natural to wonder what may have caused the disease. But no one knows the exact causes of breast cancer. Doctors seldom know why one woman develops breast cancer and another doesn't.

Doctors do know that bumping, bruising, or touching the breast does not cause cancer. And breast cancer is not contagious. You can't catch it from another person.

Doctors also know that women with certain risk factors are more likely than others to develop breast cancer. A risk factor is something that may increase the chance of getting a disease.

Some risk factors (such as drinking alcohol) can be avoided. But most risk factors (such as having a family history of breast cancer) can't be avoided.

Studies have found the following risk factors for breast cancer:

Age: The chance of getting breast cancer increases as you get older. Most women are over 60 years old when they are diagnosed.


Personal health history: Having breast cancer in one breast increases your risk of getting cancer in your other breast. Also, having certain types of abnormal breast cells (atypical hyperplasia, lobular carcinoma in situ [LCIS], or ductal carcinoma in situ [DCIS]) increases the risk of invasive breast cancer. These conditions are found with a breast biopsy.


Family health history: Your risk of breast cancer is higher if your mother, father, sister, or daughter had breast cancer. The risk is even higher if your family member had breast cancer before age 50. Having other relatives (in either your mother's or father's family) with breast cancer or ovarian cancer may also increase your risk.


Certain genome changes: Changes in certain genes, such as BRCA1 or BRCA2, substantially increase the risk of breast cancer. Tests can sometimes show the presence of these rare, specific gene changes in families with many women who have had breast cancer, and health care providers may suggest ways to try to reduce the risk of breast cancer or to improve the detection of this disease in women who have these genetic changes.


Also, researchers have found specific regions on certain chromosomes that are linked to the risk of breast cancer. If a woman has a genetic change in one or more of these regions, the risk of breast cancer may be slightly increased.
Radiation therapy to the chest: Women who had radiation therapy to the chest (including the breasts) before age 30 are at an increased risk of breast cancer. This includes women treated with radiation for Hodgkin lymphoma. Studies show that the younger a woman was when she received radiation treatment, the higher her risk of breast cancer later in life.


Reproductive and menstrual history:
The older a woman is when she has her first child, the greater her chance of breast cancer.
Women who never had children are at an increased risk of breast cancer.
Women who had their first menstrual period before age 12 are at an increased risk of breast cancer.
Women who went through menopause after age 55 are at an increased risk of breast cancer.
Women who take menopausal hormone therapy for many years have an increased risk of breast cancer.


Race: In the United States, breast cancer is diagnosed more often in white women than in African American/black, Hispanic/Latina, Asian/Pacific Islander, or American Indian/Alaska Native women.


Breast density: Breasts appear on a mammogram (breast x-ray) as having areas of dense and fatty (not dense) tissue. Women whose mammograms show a larger area of dense tissue than the mammograms of women of the same age are at increased risk of breast cancer.


History of taking DES: DES was given to some pregnant women in the United States between about 1940 and 1971. (It is no longer given to pregnant women.) Women who took DES during pregnancy may have a slightly increased risk of breast cancer. The possible effects on their daughters are under study.


Being overweight or obese after menopause: The chance of getting breast cancer after menopause is higher in women who are overweight or obese.


Lack of physical activity: Women who are physically inactive throughout life may have an increased risk of breast cancer.


Drinking alcohol: Studies suggest that the more alcohol a woman drinks, the greater her risk of breast cancer.
Having a risk factor does not mean that a woman will get breast cancer. Most women who have risk factors never develop breast cancer.


Symptoms

Early breast cancer usually doesn't cause symptoms. But as the tumor grows, it can change how the breast looks or feels. The common changes include:

A lump or thickening in or near the breast or in the underarm area
A change in the size or shape of the breast
Dimpling or puckering in the skin of the breast
A nipple turned inward into the breast
Discharge (fluid) from the nipple, especially if it's bloody
Scaly, red, or swollen skin on the breast, nipple, or areola (the dark area of skin at the center of the breast). The skin may have ridges or pitting so that it looks like the skin of an orange.
You should see your health care provider about any symptom that does not go away. Most often, these symptoms are not due to cancer. Another health problem could cause them. If you have any of these symptoms, you should tell your health care provider so that the problems can be diagnosed and treated

Know Your Breast Lumps

Harmless and Harmful - Know the Difference
During a breast self-exam, you may notice lumps or a change in texture. Knowing the difference between harmless and harmful lumps is important to your breast health.
There are three kinds of benign breast lumps:

•Cysts
•Fibroadenomas
•Pseudolumps

SELF EXAMINATION IS THE KEY
How To Do a Breast Self Exam (BSE)

Breast self examination (BSE) is to be performed each month in addition to an annual mammogram or a clinical exam. Knowing your cyclical changes, what is normal for you, and what regular monthly changes in the breast feel like is the best way to keep an eye on your breast health. Breast tissue extends from under your nipple and areola up toward your armpit.

Difficulty: Easy

Time Required: 15 minutes a month

What You Need:

•A mirror which lets you see both breasts
•A pillow for your head and shoulders
•Privacy
1. Make a regular date for your BSE
If you are pre-menopausal: Set a regular time to examine your breasts a few days after your period ends, when hormone levels are relatively stable and breasts are less tender.
If you are already menopausal (have not had a period for a year or more): Pick a particular day of the month to do the exam, and then repeat your BSE on that day each month.

2. Visual Exam - Hands on Hips
In the privacy of your bathroom, strip to the waist and stand before a mirror. You will need to see both breasts at the same time. Stand with your hands on your hips and check the appearance of your breasts. Look at size, shape, and contour. Note changes, if any, in the skin color or texture. Look at the nipples and areolas, to see how healthy they look.

3. Visual Exam - Arms Over Your Head
Still standing in front of the mirror, raise your arms over your head and see if your breasts move in the same way, and note any differences. Look at size, shape, and drape, checking for symmetry. Pay attention to your nipples and areolas, to see if you have any dimples, bumps, or retraction (indentation). Look up toward your armpits and note if there is any swelling where your lymph nodes are (lower armpit area).

4. Manual Exam - Stand and Stroke
Raise your left arm overhead, and use your right-hand fingers to apply gentle pressure to the left breast. Stroke from the top to the bottom of the breast, moving across from the inside of the breast all the way into your armpit area. You can also use a circular motion, being sure to cover the entire breast area. Take note of any changes in texture, color, or size. Switch sides and repeat. This is best done in the shower, as wet skin will have the least resistance to the friction of your fingers.

5. Manual Exam - Check Your Nipples
Still facing the mirror, lower both arms. With the index and middle fingers of your right hand, gently squeeze the left nipple and pull forward. Does the nipple spring back into place? Does it pull back into the breast? Note whether or not any fluid leaks out. Reverse your hands and check the right nipple in the same way.

6. Manual Exam - Recline and Stroke
This is best done in your bedroom, where you can lie down. Place a pillow on the bed so that you can lie with both your head and shoulders on the pillow. Lie down and put your left hand behind your head. Use your right hand to stroke the breast and underarm, as you did in step 4. Take note of any changes in texture, color, or size. Switch sides and repeat.

7. Tips For Doing Your BSE
1.Mark your calendar to remind yourself to do your BSE regularly. This is a good way to prevent worry if find a normal cyclic change.
2.Stay relaxed and breathe normally as you do your BSE. Becoming tense will produce some knots that you may mistake for something worrisome.
3.Report any changes or unusual pain to your doctor or nurse practitioner. Keep a log of changes, if that helps you remember.
4.Remember to have an annual clinical exam and a mammogram.
The official website of National Cancer Institute will give you more information about breast cancer staging,Treatment, nutrition and physical activity,aswell Follow up care.

Suggested reading :
•Reduce Your Risk of Breast Cancer - Actions You Can Take
•How to Do a Male Breast Self Exam
•Benign Breast Conditions That Are Not Breast Cancer
•Breast Ultrasound Exam - What to Expect
Resources :
1.About.com
2.National cancer Institute

Help Open The Door To A Cure by † Sinner † Saved† By † Grace † on Polyvore.com

Recommended Books :